Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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