This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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