I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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