Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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