Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
