i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
