I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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