i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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