make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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