You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dicks are not precious.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize