he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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