stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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