Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
