How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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