So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize