You're earring is so big in my mouth
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
