I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
