Your mouth is God's brothel.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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