I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
