even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
