Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
