So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
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