she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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