so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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