Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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