Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize