Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
