after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
