Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
