May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
