i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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