i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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