guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
