i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
