I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
