They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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