i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize