He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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