brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just pee around me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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