If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
