i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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