I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
