I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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