I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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