Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
