Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
high people should be assigned attendants
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
