i just wanna soil my oats bro
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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