How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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