but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
