she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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