Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When did angry sex become our thing?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
