I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
