i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
