Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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