So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
