Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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