I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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