Don't make out with my wife yet
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
