she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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