Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
