woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
