DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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