I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
