I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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