Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
