i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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