I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
