i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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