Please, let me fuck your mom
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
