Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
