What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
