he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize