he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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